What to prepare before baby arrives, and what can wait

Before the birth, you need five things. A car seat that is installed and checked. One safe place for the baby to sleep. A pediatrician you have already chosen. The vaccines your prenatal visits recommend, including Tdap. And a bag by the door. That is the whole must do list. The finished nursery, the babyproofing, the drawer of clothes in six sizes and the gear for a baby who can sit up can all wait until your baby is home, and some of it can wait months.

This guide sorts preparation into three piles, puts a point in the pregnancy beside every item in the first pile, and gives you permission to leave the rest.

What genuinely has to be done before the birth?

Five things. Each one either keeps your baby safe on day one or is much harder to arrange once you are home and not sleeping.

• The car seat, installed and checked. Your baby rides home in it. The American Academy of Pediatrics says all infants should ride rear facing from that first ride home, and it suggests working with a certified child passenger safety technician before the birth. Its guide to choosing and installing a car seat covers the types and the fit.

• One safe place to sleep. A crib, bassinet or play yard with a firm, flat mattress and a fitted sheet, and nothing else in it. No pillows, no quilts, no bumpers, no soft toys. The AAP also advises sharing a room, never a bed, for at least the first six months. Its safe sleep guidance for parents sets out why each item stays out.

• A pediatrician, chosen and met. Your baby's first checkups start soon after the birth, and the hospital will ask who they should go to. The AAP recommends visiting a pediatrician during the third trimester, so you can ask your questions while you still have the energy to listen to the answers.

• Your vaccines. The CDC recommends Tdap during every pregnancy, between the 27th and 36th week, and earlier in that window where you can. Ask at your next prenatal visit which other vaccines are due this season.

• A bag by the door. For you, for your partner, and one outfit for the baby to go home in.

What can wait until the baby is home?

These are real jobs. They just do not need to be finished by your due date, and doing them in the first weeks, once you know your baby, is often easier.

• Most of the clothes. A few sleepsuits in newborn size and a few in the next size up are enough for the first days. Babies grow out of newborn sizes at very different speeds, so buy more once you see how fast yours is going.

• Most of the feeding kit. Have a plan, and for formula feeding have what you need for the first days. A breast pump, a bottle warmer and a drawer of accessories can wait until you know how feeding is actually going.

• The finished nursery. Paint, shelves, a mural and a matching chair are lovely and none of them are needed on day one. The safe sleep space above is the only part of the nursery that has to be ready, and many babies sleep in the parents' room for months anyway.

• Thank you notes and announcements. Nobody expects them on time.

• Most of the reading. You will learn more from a week with your baby than from another book. Keep one trusted source close for questions at 3 a.m.

What can wait months?

These belong to a baby who is rolling, sitting or crawling. That baby is months away.

• Babyproofing. Outlet covers, stair gates, cupboard locks and furniture straps matter once your baby moves, not before. Put a reminder in your phone for around the time your baby starts to roll.

• The high chair and weaning gear. Solids are a long way off, and your pediatrician will tell you when your baby is ready. Our guide on how much milk a baby needs after starting solids is waiting for you when that day comes.

• Walkers, activity centers and the bigger toys. A newborn wants your face, your voice and a patch of floor.

• The convertible car seat. An infant seat carries you through the first months. The next seat is a decision for later, with your baby's actual height and weight in front of you.

• Every milestone worry. Your pediatrician checks development at each visit. You do not need to study it in advance.

When in the pregnancy should each must do item happen?

A sensible point in the pregnancy for each item, so nothing lands in the final days, when the baby may already be on the way. Only one item, Tdap, has a published week range, and it is given below.

Late in the second trimester: choose

• Pediatrician. Shortlist two or three practices and check they take your insurance.

• Car seat. Choose and buy it, so it is in the house early.

• Sleep space. Choose the crib, bassinet or play yard and order it.

At the start of the third trimester: book and do

• Tdap. At a prenatal visit, as early as your schedule allows inside the window the CDC sets, the 27th through 36th week.

• Pediatrician visit. Book the meet and greet for the start of the third trimester, and pick the practice afterwards.

• Car seat check. Book a certified child passenger safety technician for a date a few weeks out.

In the last weeks before your due date: finish

• Car seat installed in the car you will drive home in, and checked by the technician.

• Sleep space assembled in your room, with only a firm mattress and a fitted sheet in it.

• Bag packed and left by the door, with the pediatrician's name and number inside.

If your pregnancy is high risk, or you are expecting twins, move every item a few weeks earlier. Babies do not read due dates.

How do two parents split the list?

Split it by job, not by task. One person owns each item from start to finish, so nothing falls in the gap between two people who each thought the other had it.

• One of you owns the car seat. Buying it, installing it, and taking it to the check.

• One of you owns the sleep space. Choosing it, building it, and keeping it clear.

• The pregnant parent owns the vaccines, because they happen at prenatal visits. The other parent can check whether their own shots are up to date, since they will be holding the baby too.

• Both of you meet the pediatrician. You will both be calling that office.

• Each of you packs your own bag. Then one of you adds the baby's outfit.

If you are preparing on your own, the must do list is the same length and it is short on purpose. Ask one friend or family member to own the car seat check. It is the one job that needs a second pair of hands.

Plan for your own recovery too: see what the first six weeks after birth look like.

Common questions

When should the car seat be installed?

Well before your due date, so it is ready if the baby comes early. Install it in the car you will drive home in, then have a certified child passenger safety technician check it. Leave time to book the check, since appointments can fill up.

Does the nursery need to be finished before the birth?

No. The only part that has to be ready is a safe place for your baby to sleep, and in the early months that is usually in your room. Paint, decoration and storage can happen whenever you have the energy.

What should go in the hospital bag, and when should it be packed?

Pack it in the last weeks before your due date, early enough that an early start does not catch you out. Put in your ID and insurance card, the pediatrician's details, comfortable clothes and toiletries for you, a phone charger with a long cable, snacks, and one outfit and a blanket for the baby to go home in. Your hospital or birth center may have its own list, so check it.

When should you choose a pediatrician?

By the start of the third trimester, if you can. That leaves time to meet a practice before the birth, which is what the AAP recommends, and gives the hospital a name for your baby's first checkup.

Getting ready, with company

The HelianWell membership includes a pregnancy course, Preparing Confidently for Baby's Arrival, in its learning library, alongside a community of parents at the same stage and experts you can ask. See the plans and pricing, and find more guides like this one on the HelianWell blog.